Shit My Family Say #2

I should have known that spending last weekend in Somerset would be fruitful. Most of these quotes happened within about four hours of arriving. Comedy gold...

My Gran, on her last visit to the hospital, 'There was a man there, he must have been 6 foot 8. He was just making tea and coffee. Ee, it's another world.'

Dad, on the cushion that he had just bought for my Mum, 'The woman who made it died at Christmas, so you won't be getting another one.'

Mum (reading facts about penguins to herself), 'They can swim at fifteen miles an hour... Fifteen miles an hour. I want to do a penguin project at school....'

My brother (to the whole room), 'I know you probably don't want to look, but you can actually see a bollock through the hole in my jeans.'

My Mum, 'Paulette had to get a sat nav.' We waited expectantly for the rest of the story, but that was it.

My Gran's boyfriend, 'I wouldn't get a tattoo, but I saw a great one of a fox's tail on the bottom of this bloke's back. It looked like a fox was coming out of his ass! Ha! If I was going to get a tattoo, I'd get one like that.' 

You couldn't make this shit up. 


  1. These made me laugh out loud! I need to start writing down some of the weird shit my family come out with.

  2. Please get G drunk and make him get that tattoo x

  3. Ha, family can be mental sometimes =)

    Corinne x

  4. Love this. Can sadly believe every single word. Your family are fantastic x

  5. Haha this is awesome! My brother comes out with some gems at times but earlier my friend made our day by telling a story about getting a rip in her leggings 'I had to keep my legs together the whole night, it was awful!' Hysterics :)


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