When is it ok to bitch?

I am deeply suspicious of anyone who claims to never, ever bitch about other people. Just admit it already. I bitch about other people, of course I do, and within reason I don't believe that there's anything wrong with that. 




Obviously the 'within reason' part is pretty important, so I've produced two handy lists to help you out (you can thank me later). Obviously these are just my personal standards, but I am normally right about absolutely everything some stuff.

When bitching is (probably) a good thing:
When you're bitching about me. I am absolutely terrible at taking direct criticism. Now, if it's constructive (i.e. it's something I can change, and would want to change) I can take it because I know it's for my own good. If you like/love me overall but just can't stand the way I talk too much/tweet too often/can't take criticism, then don't tell me to my face. Vent amongst yourselves and be nice to me when I'm there. I am more than happy with that. 
When it's a bonding exercise in mutual hatred. This is especially satisfying when reserved for celebrities, authority figures, etc. We all do it. 
When it actually helps to preserve a friendship or relationship. If you love someone lots and lots, and having an occasional vent about their bad habits preserves what is an otherwise beautiful relationship, then why not? This one is especially important when it comes to family members (NOT YOU, MUM). You have to have a relationship with them, so why bother pointing out their flaws to their face and causing a horrible argument? Everyone needs to vent now and again.
When there's a (tiny) bit of empathy involved. I don't want to get all Atticus Finch on your ass, but sometimes you do have to put yourself in other people's shoes. Have a moan, sure, but remember that you're not perfect either.

When bitching goes bad:
When it constantly focuses on something that has nothing to do with a person's personality, and it's something that they couldn't change (even if they wanted to...which they probably don't). So, bitching about someone's weight, nose, height, whatever... Not cool.
When it's just ill-disguised prejudice. I operate a zero tolerance policy when it comes to this. Even when it's disguised as a 'compliment' e.g. 'She's alright for a lesbian'. FUCK OFF. Just fuck off.
When it's properly two-faced. Bitching about a mutual friend's slight character flaws? Fine. Constantly character-assassinating someone and then pretending you like them? Not fine.
When it starts to make you bitter and twisted. If all you're doing is bitching and moaning all day then surely that's just going to make you feel bad? Get some positivity in your life. Make a cake or something.
When the person is question might hear/read it. Want to moan about a blogger in private with a bloggy mate? Fine. But do not do it on twitter or stupid forums. And definitely do not do it in a blog comment. That's horrible. Would you bitch about your boss by writing your thoughts on post-it notes and leaving them lying around in the office? No you wouldn't (I hope). So don't do it online.

I'd also like to make it clear that I don't only bitch about other women; my hatred is totally equal opportunities. I also hate the misconception that bitching is exclusively a female pursuit; every man I've ever been friends with is also a bitch sometimes.

I'd be intrigued to know what people's honest opinions about this are... I'm sure that there are some genuinely lovely people out there who never bitch about others. I bet they're really, really boring.

2 comments

  1. I love this. I freely admit to being a bitch too, also within reason. And hell yeah bitching is a male thing too - Thomas and his friends are THE WORST when they get together!

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    Replies
    1. Phew I'm glad someone agrees, I was just having a 'what if everyone actually is nicer than me' panic! X

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