I've been thinking about the stuff I put in Tuesday's post (about how I feel about my weight). Writing down my feelings hasn't changed them (yet) but it has helped me to acknowledge how I feel, and start to question it (on a 'thought' level, if not quite yet a 'feelings' one). I don't have any answers, but I have decided to make a few little changes.
I'm going to remove 'lose a stone' from my list of New Year's resolutions. I don't need to; my BMI is comfortably within the healthy range, my clothes fit me and look nice, and there's absolutely no need for me to suddenly become smaller than I've ever been in my adult life.
I do want to stay healthy and fit though, so I'm going to keep using My Fitness Pal to keep track of my calories and nutrition, but I'm going to allow myself to have cheat days where I can eat what I want (without completely binge eating). If I do lose a couple of pounds, that's fine, but if I stay the same, that's fine too.
I'm going to keep exercising because I enjoy it, it's good for my general wellbeing. It's not important for me to have a skinny body, but it is important for me to have a healthy one.
I'm also going to try and take more pride in my appearance. I know that for some people, wearing make up is a negative thing, a mask that they feel tied to. For me, however, it's a sign of confidence, that I don't mind being noticed, that (and excuse me for what I'm about to type) I'm worth it (currently trying not to vomit onto the keyboard). I'm going to wear the clothes I love, with confidence, and use more of my massive jewellery collection, rather than just wear the same things again and again.
But mostly, I'm going to try and remember that my appearance is not the most important thing about me (or anyone). In fact, it doesn't even make the 'Top Ten Most Important Things About Me' (don't worry, that's not the title of a future post).
So, actually, if some days I feel a bit crap, get up, scrape my hair back and don't put on any make up, well, at least I managed to get up. Because some days, that is an achievement in itself.
This stuff isn't a magical solution, but I'm hoping it's a step in the right direction.