Photographic Evidence

I’m doing CBT (therapy, for the uninitiated) at the moment, so I’ve been thinking more than usual about how critical I am of myself. Nonetheless, it can be really difficult to understand the impact of your own ‘critical voice’, and to come around to the idea that maybe the negative beliefs you hold about yourself aren't true. Especially if, like me, the critical thoughts are so ingrained in your psyche that you have them all the time, without even realising.

That’s why it was interesting to find a photo of myself when I was about 16. At the time, I believed that I was the ugliest person I knew, and was disgustingly fat. Not in the sense that I complained to friends, ‘Oh, I’m so fat…’ but in the sense that I just knew it was true. I didn’t dare say it to anyone because obviously they would be forced to agree with me and I would end up feeling worse. I had very little confidence in myself and it definitely impacted on my life. This is what I looked like:


OK, so the fringe isn’t great, but I’m not horrifically ugly. And I’m definitely not fat. I allowed my critical thoughts to become beliefs, and to take over my life. And I’m still doing it.

This needs to stop.

3 comments

  1. this post rings so true to me! x

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  2. p.s. I think you are amazing x

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  3. You look lovely in that photo to me! :)

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