My Latest Televisual Love...

Mongrels. It pretty much encapsualtes my sense of humour. It's my new favourite thing.

Wedding Anxiety Dream #2

The ceremony has just finished, and it all went well. Our walking out music begins to play, and our guests leave. I'm about to go when Gav stops me and says he wants to have a drink (inexplicably, there's a bar in the ceremony room). It doesn't actually sound like a bad idea, so I have a shot with him. The shot looks like wheatgrass. I'm very careful not to drip any on my dress. Gavin, however, is not so careful. He drinks another two shots, spilling progressively more green gunk (and this is pre-photos!) I can feel the rage bubbling up inside me, and I can't persuade him to come outside. People are staring and I'm caught between not wanting to look like Bridezilla, and wanting to punch my new husband in the head.

What I've learned from this:

1. Do not drink wheatgrass shots when wearing formal attire.

See, it's not just me!

I can soooo relate to this at the moment. And this. Well, apart from the lesbianiam.

And just for good measure, this was my humble attempt if you missed it first time around.

Cringe Party II: In Which I Get All Mark Corrigan On Your Ass


I think the title tells you all you need to know. Here goes:


1st January 'Got up about nine, tided my room...'
It's NEW YEAR'S DAY, for God's sake.

8th January 'Been making brainstorms for characters- had some OK ideas but all a bit 'Officey' and not funny. So not exactly OK- but it could have been worse... I could have died during the creation process.'
What a heart-warming mix of pessimism and failed ambition.

11th January 'Read The Observer (£1.40.) (I'm not actually obsessed with prices, just thought it might be interesting if I re-read this in a few years time.)
I'm honestly not making this up! It's now 'a few years time'. It's not interesting.

14th January 'Had a perky executive assembly this morning- oh how joyful it made me feel!'
I stand by that. I'm still irritated by most people. Especially 'peppy' ones.

23rd January 'Spent last lesson with [a friend] - broken through the 'running out of conversation' barrier!'
Still love that feeling, when the horrible, spirit-crushing awkwardness starts to fade.

30th January 'Wednesday should be good- hope I don't have a 'conversation block.'
Oh God, now I'm crowning phrases to describe my social ineptitude.

7th February 'Also, actually managed to make conversation! (Not sure why I find it amazing that I can do what every other human being manages on a daily basis.)'
Maybe I am Mark Corrigan?!

1st March 'A rather exciting (!) assembly- someone giving a talk encouraging us to go to a TA recruitment day. Sound like too much pep and physical activity too me, but a surprisingly large amount of gullible people signed up.'
At least I knew my limits.

What's the worst that could happen?

Well, this would be pretty bad.

Cringe Party I: Hopes and Fears

Gav and I went to our old flat today to collect the stuff we'd (or rather, I'd) left behind. In a pile of stuff in one of the drawers was my 2004 diary. Being a bit of a crap writer, the entries become somewhat sporadic around the beginning of March, and cease altogether on 21st April. Which is a shame, really, because things got more interesting after July.

The first thing that struck me is that it in some ways doesn't really sound like the diary of a 17 year old. I was really quite reclusive. The second thing was how much anxiety seems to seep from every page. Looking back, I think it's great that I worked hard for my A Levels but, really, it feels like I would have benefited from just relaxing a bit more.

Anyway, here's the first installment. Warning: I did not (and in fact, do not) have the comedy stylings of Sue Townsend, so you'll have to bear with me. I've entitled this entry 'Hopes and Fears' (yes, it's a Keane reference, it's 2004 innit?) so here's my hopes, predictions and fears circa 2004 (and the reality):

1st January 'I know I'll never stick to them, but I should probably make some resolutions: work bloody hard (3As????); stick at things which seem difficult or scary (unis!!!); take more risks (esp. regarding blokes) I know that one really won't happen but at least I can kid myself for now.........
Well, it's good to see that my love of brackets and ellipses began from an early age. I did work hard, I did stick at uni, and I did take more risks with men, eventually. And no, 'that one' didn't happen. But it all worked out OK in the end.

2nd January 'No more offers yet- just waiting to hear from Durham and York... Why are the 2 places I want to go to making me wait the longest??? Probably so they can reject me good and proper... Ah well.'
They did reject me good and proper. I'm over it. I mean, it wasn't my fault that I went to a state school that didn't force me to do 6 A Levels in various ancient languages. OK, I'm sort of over it.

3rd January 'Ordered some jeans but I bet none of them will go over my huge ass.'
They probably did cover my relatively small ass. I just wouldn't have been able to see that at the time.

6th January 'Was thinking about career aspirations etc- I'd LOVE to write TV comedy. Prob is, of course, that I'm not funny.'
I do not currently write TV comedy. Partly because I gave up on that plan around 12th January. And partly because I'm really not that funny.

11th January 'Starting to really look forward to going to uni now- should be exciting, want to get involved in stuff, be part of a BIG world that isn't just Watchet.'
Finally, some well placed optimism!

28th January 'Still nothing from York, although I'm thinking it's going to be a 'no'!'
It was. See comment for 2nd January.

4th February 'Open day [in Cardiff] really good...think I'd be happy going there!'
I was.

21st April 'Seriously thinking about journalism after my degree.'
Nah. Amazingly, when considering career options. I seem to completely ignore the fact that every Wednesday I write about how much I enjoyed working in a primary school. Duh.

Stay tuned for the next entertaining, angst-filled installment...

Title anxiety.

The title of this blog doesn't really fit the content. That bothers me, and basically gives me two options.

1. Change what I blog about, and therefore what I do with my time, which was pretty much the point of the title, and indeed the blog, in the first place.

2. Change the title. I'm sure my 6 followers will manage to keep track of what's going on. But what to?

I don't know what to do (Ken).

Just to put your mind at rest, this is a dilemma that occasionally flits through my head, rather than one that keeps me awake at night. Honestly.

And another issue...

Reading this made me laugh to start with but, seriously, how am I going to wee?!

Wedding Plannning + Internet =

Reading copious amounts of wedding blogs, apparently. I have so far refrained form hitting the forums. The 'Freak Outs' section of the Glamour wedding blog is particularly brilliant. By 'brilliant' I mean 'vaguely informative and sort of funny but mostly it just makes me feel better about my own, relatively minor freak outs'.

My current freak outs are, if you're interested (and let's face it, who wouldn't be?):

Make up. Specifically, doing mine. I don't normally wear much, but I don't want to look pale in pictures, so I guess I'll have to wear some. But I'll probably do a lot of crying. And obviously I'll wake up with some sort of disfiguring spot. Urgh.

Tan lines. Where the hell has the sun gone?! It doesn't take a genius to work out that fake tan will not work out well for me.

Fatness. The constant trailers for 'Bulging Brides' are not easing my anxiety. Why did I buy a dress that's slightly too tight? Why? I'm currently eating a lot of meal replacement products and researching spanx.

Other people. Even if (and it seems unlikely right now) all of the above work out, what if other people don't enjoy themselves? I will kill them if this happens.

You're probably thinking I'm a bit mental. I suggest you head over to your nearest wedding forum for a slice of bridal party fighting, favour buying, florist sacking perspective. And get me a 100 calorie snack while you're up.