Cringe Party I: Hopes and Fears

Gav and I went to our old flat today to collect the stuff we'd (or rather, I'd) left behind. In a pile of stuff in one of the drawers was my 2004 diary. Being a bit of a crap writer, the entries become somewhat sporadic around the beginning of March, and cease altogether on 21st April. Which is a shame, really, because things got more interesting after July.

The first thing that struck me is that it in some ways doesn't really sound like the diary of a 17 year old. I was really quite reclusive. The second thing was how much anxiety seems to seep from every page. Looking back, I think it's great that I worked hard for my A Levels but, really, it feels like I would have benefited from just relaxing a bit more.

Anyway, here's the first installment. Warning: I did not (and in fact, do not) have the comedy stylings of Sue Townsend, so you'll have to bear with me. I've entitled this entry 'Hopes and Fears' (yes, it's a Keane reference, it's 2004 innit?) so here's my hopes, predictions and fears circa 2004 (and the reality):

1st January 'I know I'll never stick to them, but I should probably make some resolutions: work bloody hard (3As????); stick at things which seem difficult or scary (unis!!!); take more risks (esp. regarding blokes) I know that one really won't happen but at least I can kid myself for now.........
Well, it's good to see that my love of brackets and ellipses began from an early age. I did work hard, I did stick at uni, and I did take more risks with men, eventually. And no, 'that one' didn't happen. But it all worked out OK in the end.

2nd January 'No more offers yet- just waiting to hear from Durham and York... Why are the 2 places I want to go to making me wait the longest??? Probably so they can reject me good and proper... Ah well.'
They did reject me good and proper. I'm over it. I mean, it wasn't my fault that I went to a state school that didn't force me to do 6 A Levels in various ancient languages. OK, I'm sort of over it.

3rd January 'Ordered some jeans but I bet none of them will go over my huge ass.'
They probably did cover my relatively small ass. I just wouldn't have been able to see that at the time.

6th January 'Was thinking about career aspirations etc- I'd LOVE to write TV comedy. Prob is, of course, that I'm not funny.'
I do not currently write TV comedy. Partly because I gave up on that plan around 12th January. And partly because I'm really not that funny.

11th January 'Starting to really look forward to going to uni now- should be exciting, want to get involved in stuff, be part of a BIG world that isn't just Watchet.'
Finally, some well placed optimism!

28th January 'Still nothing from York, although I'm thinking it's going to be a 'no'!'
It was. See comment for 2nd January.

4th February 'Open day [in Cardiff] really good...think I'd be happy going there!'
I was.

21st April 'Seriously thinking about journalism after my degree.'
Nah. Amazingly, when considering career options. I seem to completely ignore the fact that every Wednesday I write about how much I enjoyed working in a primary school. Duh.

Stay tuned for the next entertaining, angst-filled installment...

4 comments

  1. I actually love this! Good blog

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  2. Love this! I had diaries when I was about 11-14 but I ripped them all up in a fit of horrified cringey-ness, and as awful as they were, I regret that - I wish I'd kept them.

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  3. Oh I know, it's so cringey! But it is kinda funny now! Even if I do make Adrian Mole sound well adjusted! x

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